My beautiful 3-year-old daughter, Angelica, bless her heart, has a bit of a tendency to whine. I suppose it’s a way for her to catch some attention and she may be under the impression that it actually serves her.

The problem is, however, that I absolutely detest the whining. Any whining in fact.

So while the whining may get my daughter a lot of attention and attention from me, it’s more often than not, not going to be the kind of attention that would serve her well, but rather a bit of an irritated response asking her to please stop the whining, rather than me addressing what it is she actually wants from me.

I must admit that I dislike the whining so much that I invariably get very irritated almost every time (or certainly will have to curb my irritability which is something I don’t seem to be mastering very well these days).

So why exactly do I let myself get so irritated with this?

She’s just a little girl of just 3 years of age. Why would it bother me so much?

Well, there’s a good old saying that states that every time you point a finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you. In other words, what irritates us about other people often is because they in fact are holding a mirror back at us of something we dislike about ourselves.

So when we point our fingers at someone, it really says much more about ourselves than it does of the ones we are pointing fingers at.

That begs the question: “Do I really whine a lot?”

I would usually have answered a resounding “NO” to that question, but looking this question a bit more squarely in the eyes (seeing the whining so hits my buttons), I guess I have to admit that I do my own bit of whining.

Most of us whine from time to time. Some more than others.

But whining is a disempowering action. It’s a bit akin to the people who take in the role of the victim, often feeling sorry for him- or herself. Taking in the victim’s role or whining really serves us very poorly. The victim’s role and whining will rob us of any and all power and often also rob us of any respect we may otherwise earn from our peers.

In truth, I have been whining a lot lately. In a business I’m involved in, we are three partners. Three equal owners of the business which should ordinarily place us at the same level of say and influence. We have been discussing for a very long time an incredible opportunity for the business’ next progression, and although I have pushed heavily for the advancement of this, I have failed at getting my partners to see the same potential or at least, failed at getting them to act upon it.

This has been so incredibly frustrating for me and yes, I must admit, it has let me to whine about it to far too great an extent than I care to really admit or face.

I do find that we are missing a huge opportunity for the business. But I can believe and think that as much as I like. If I do not get my two partners convinced of the same, then by law of majority vote, nothing will come of it.

So although, I’m hugely disappointed and terribly frustrated, that really is just for me to deal with and get over. Or indeed, for me to get more resourceful about and perhaps seek another solution to the problem.

The whining certainly won’t do much good. The whining instead, more than likely, will just cause a deeper rift between me and my partners and rob me of whatever respect my partners might otherwise have for me.

So once again the lesson here is that when we get irritated with our children for whatever reason, it often is routed with something that rests inside of ourselves and thus it’s often that we are actually dissatisfied with ourselves about something. 

The problem is, it’s typically easier to get annoyed about someone else, than to face our own shortcomings and flaws and work at fixing those.

So the valuable lessons here are, to look at your own flaws directly in the eyes and work at improving these facets of yourself. If you get hugely irritated with someone else, then the root cause probably lies within yourself, so ask yourself questions about this until you can identify what it is, so that you can have an improved chance of working towards a real and long term solution.

And in terms of whining. Well, don’t whine. Don’t assume a victim’s role.

Get stronger. There are usually more ways to skin a cat, so if one way doesn’t work, then get more resourceful and find another way. You may have to look through many possible ways. You may have to try over and over again for some time, until all of a sudden you may achieve a desired result.

Ask yourself: “What am I whining about?”

Get real about it. You may well not actually have realized that you are doing it, but you probably have things you are currently whining about.

Face the problem. Then work through it. Improve yourself. Demand more of yourself in this area.

You’ll end up a stronger person. You’ll end up an improved version of yourself. Who knows, you may just achieve your outcome and in the process, very likely, you’ll gain respect of your peers and others around you. You’ll also gain the respect of yourself.

Share your thoughts on this. Did you find you had areas of which you too are whining?

Drawing: The Princess by 3-year-old Angelica